I generally begin my letters with “Dear.”

If it is a business context, I use a formal “Dear Sir or Madam.” If I know the name of the person, I will begin the letter with a “Dear Ms. or Mr. So-and-so.” Of course with family and friends I use a first name and at times a “Hey” or “Hi”. For many years this convention has served me well.

Attending a writing workshop a short while ago, the teacher instructed us to address a letter to a particular publisher with, “Hi Dan.”

“Hi Dan?” I thought, “I don’t know him and he does not know me.” “Isn’t that extremely informal, perhaps even rude?” I inquired. “Not at all,” she breezily replied. “Besides, he will read the letter because he thinks that he knows you.” But what will he think of me when he discovers that he doesn’t know me at all? I thought, but dared not ask. And how many times will this undoubtedly intelligent man fall for the same ruse?

I have come to learn that this professor’s advise is not hers alone. Increasingly, I am noting a familiarity from strangers. People are addressing me in letters and on the phone using only my first name. It seems to be more and more the norm.

I will need to adjust, but for now my terms of address and my expectations for others are seemingly passé.