A VISIT TO THE SUBURBS

image“Hey Helen, how are your kids?”  “Yeah, they’re okay.”  “Steve, still dancing?” ” I just got written up in the New York Times. I’m in a video dancing with Bow Wow. You can see me giving him a hug.” ” Ooooh, that’s cool.” said a heavy-set woman in the front seat of the eight-seater taxi. The others had given her the front to ease the pain in her back. She quickly found it on her phone. I was sitting in the rear, somewhat uneasy as the driver looked at the video, rather than keeping his eyes on the road. No one else seemed to care as we watched Steve, sixty-seven, dancing: arms flailing, feet hopping, repetitive movements to what I imagine was a musical score . The passengers were all regulars except for me.

Steve was dropped off first at the Pet Memorial Park at Bideawee to pay his respects. Before leaving the car he said, “Animals make better friends than most people.” “That’s for sure.” came a response.

The conversation switched to the homeless. “Yeah they’re just scamming,” someone said. “We’re all that close to being homeless ourselves,” said the woman holding the phone.  The driver said, “I’ve seen them at the train station asking for money to buy a ticket, then going over to the gas station to buy beer.” “Well that’s different.” “Yeah they buy drugs too.” “They’re buying heroin. They’re cracking down on the doctors giving meds, so people are now buying heroin instead.”

A young man who had spoken little until then said, ” I lost six friends to heroin this year. Football players, jocks. It’s affecting everyone,   everyone.” For the first time since I had gotten in the taxi, no one said a word.

FOR THE LOVE OF WORDS

imageThe Bible, a collection of Shakespeare’s plays, maybe War and Peace are likely to be at the top of the one-book-to-bring-to-that-remote-island list, but I favor a dictionary. Asking for the Oxford English Dictionary’s twenty volumes is probably cheating. I would settle for the concise, single tome.

In my younger years I often heard, “If you don’t know what it means, look it up.” Grudgingly and reluctantly I would. But this sense of drudgery abated and was replaced with the pleasure of acquiring a new word.

Deciphering the schwa and other diacritical marks was enticing. I was hooked. This was when 30 Days to a more Powerful Vocabulary was a best seller. Strengthening my lexicon seemed like a good thing and much more enticing than Charles Atlas’ promise of a strong body, knowing his target audience was men.

“That’s an SAT word.” “A what?” I asked some adolescents years later. “We learned loquacious for the SATs” “But it’s a real word to be used, not just for the SATs.” I answered defensively. My detractors were not convinced.

I have been accused of snobbery, aloofness, and unnecessarily obfuscating– confusing– meaning. “You’re using a ten-dollar word when a twenty-five cent word will do.” Who knew?

My quest for clarity and precision, and my love of words has been misunderstood. I delight in the sound of “fecund”, “verdant”, and “supercilious” when gliding off my tongue.

I suspect I will be no less off-putting if I direct individuals to, “Go look it up.”

 

LEWIS CARROLL QUOTE #2

Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Lewis Carroll

Thank you subscribers and readers for taking the time to visit my blog!!

If this is the first time you are visiting the site, welcome to the tales of a woman solo traveler and thoughts to make today the start of something new.

Although I take a break during the weekends, I’ll be back on Monday and would be delighted, in the meantime, if you would look through my previous posts. Perhaps you missed a few or will reread one with a new perspective.There is a list of all the previous posts by title and date.

Since the configuration of the site may differ on your browser, perhaps you have not noticed the tabs which offer some additional information:Why this blog?, Images, How I Began, etc.

You can search certain posts by category: Practical Advice, Thoughts on Oneself, Snapshots, etc.

All of these may be at the very bottom of the posts.

While traveling I may not be posting each day. To be notified when I have written a new post please subscribe-of course its free.
I would be delighted if you would sign up.

I hope you find information and inspiration in the text and images and join me in my quest for growth, wonderment and self-improvement.

Here’s to new discoveries near and far!

Enjoy the days.

LEWIS CARROLL QUOTE #1

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.

Lewis Carroll

Thank you subscribers and readers for taking the time to visit my blog!!

If this is the first time you are visiting the site, welcome to the tales of a woman solo traveler and thoughts to make today the start of something new.

Although I take a break during the weekends, I’ll be back on Monday and would be delighted, in the meantime, if you would look through my previous posts. Perhaps you missed a few or will reread one with a new perspective.There is a list of all the previous posts by title and date.

Since the configuration of the site may differ on your browser, perhaps you have not noticed the tabs which offer some additional information:Why this blog?, Images, How I Began, etc.

You can search certain posts by category: Practical Advice, Thoughts on Oneself, Snapshots, etc.

All of these may be at the very bottom of the posts.

While traveling I may not be posting each day. To be notified when I have written a new post please subscribe-of course its free.
I would be delighted if you would sign up.

I hope you find information and inspiration in the text and images and join me in my quest for growth, wonderment and self-improvement.

Here’s to new discoveries near and far!

Enjoy the days.

MEALTIME IN NEW HAVEN

20150617_110834Most of us have recollections, from our childhood, of that first day at school, entering a cafeteria alone. Where will I sit? With whom? I found myself in exactly that circumstance only three weeks ago at the writers’ conference. After I chose my first meal in the large dining hall I looked for a place to eat. Despite the many people seated at the long wooden tables, I knew no one.

During my travels I’ve had numerous opportunities to speak with strangers. I have rarely found it difficult or uncomfortable to sit with someone I didn’t know, but here an awkwardness returned. Was it the school setting? If I was feeling this way, I assumed most of the others did too. I looked around, saw two women sitting across from one another, chatting. Just as I have in the past, I asked if I could join them. They nodded and I sat down. It took sometime before they included me in their conversation, but I didn’t mind. Soon we were sharing our names and tales.

In the consequent days many of the faces became familiar. Conversations were easier to begin.

There were other moments when I grappled with a familiar awkwardness.

What better way to learn something new?

THINKING OF “NO” AS “YES”

P1050006At one of the conferences I attended at the writers’ workshop I heard,

“There was a marked disparity between the number of published works by men and women, so a study was done to determine why. It found that if a woman received a letter from a publisher, stating that, “This particular piece is not of interest, but what else do you have?” or “Contact us again in the future with something new.” or something similar, the women seldom followed through. However men receiving the same letters, or even those less hopeful, submitted their work again.”

I did not bother to check the veracity of this study. I already know it to be true, but not just in the publishing world. I have experienced or heard of similar tales in education, business, and in virtually every aspect of a woman’s life.  Women doubt themselves and need far more encouragement than men.

Despite women’s achievements, insecurities linger.

Women need to think of  “no” as “yes.”

 

FINDING MY VOICE IN NEW HAVEN AND ELSEWHERE

P1060406

“If I were your father and I had given you the money for all your travels and these were the letters you wrote to me, I’d want my money back.” The one-on-one critique with my writing workshop teacher began with these words. I correctly surmised that he thought my prose was subpar. It wasn’t a surprise.

My fellow writers shared their sentiments too: “Your words are vague.” “I’ve never traveled and from reading this I don’t understand why you do.”  “Your vocabulary alienates me, rather than invites me in.” “Where are you? I want to feel as if I am there with you and I don’t.”

I touched few people recounting my tales of traveling through the world. I found this ironic. I began the blog to not only share my experiences, but to inspire others to travel too.

One woman however called my pieces, “Zen gems.” Another, who had traveled alone throughout the world said, “You describe what it’s like to observe your surroundings. I immediately related to it.” Nonetheless, the consensus was unenthusiastic.

It would have been foolish to ignore any of these comments and I didn’t.

Humbled, but not discouraged, I wrote anew hoping to please a wider audience while remaining true to myself. I included more dialogue and description. I made an effort to bring the reader “there.” My style felt less personal and unique, but the response was more favorable.

I still cherish my “Zen gems.”

And the desire to hone my craft remains.

FROM NEW HAVEN, BACK HOME TO BROOKLYN

P1060460After fifteen days of eating with hundreds of people in a large, wood dining hall, running to a lecture, class, conference or gathering, writing often, listening and giving readings, attending social events, and receiving critiques in my writing workshops, I was heading home.

I wished my classmates well, while exchanging information with the intentions of keeping in touch.  Saying goodbye to Shirley and Maritza, two women who worked in the dining hall, was particularly tough. They’re warmth and encouragement meant so much.

I packed my belongings, returned the keys, and a fan that not only provided cool air, but a distraction from the incessant din outside my window.  I passed my newly acquired hotpot on to a new and dear aquaintance. I took a taxi to Union Station for the Metro North back to Grand Central Station and sat in one of the six-seat compartments, this time with five people I knew.

The overall experience was exhausting and invaluable.  I look forward to articulating them in the days to come.

SYLVIA IN NEW HAVEN

Eating meals in the dining hall gave me the chance to speak with those I shared workshops with and those I didn’t. Sylvia and I hadn’t spoken until our last day at breakfast. After introducing ourselves with questions, she began to tell me of her time studying in New Haven years before.IMG_4946

“I came to Yale in 1976 with affirmative action, because I am Chicana (She has Mexican parents but raised in the US.). They had sent recruiters out to fill quotas and one of them ended up at my high school. I found out later that someone said, “Don’t waste your time they’re all Mexicans.” My English teacher standing there suggested to the recruiter that he drop by to meet her students. He came fifth period. If it had been fourth period or sixth, or any other time I wouldn’t have been there, but I was. I had a friendly,  but competitive relationship with one of my classmates and he said. “I dare you to apply.” “Only if you do too.” So we both did and I got in.” “Did he get in?” I asked. ” No” she replied.

“My school was in a poor, small town in Texas where I was an A+ student, but I didn’t have the academic skills to survive here. I spent my four years at Yale just trying not to drown.”

” What grade were you in when they recruited you?” ” I was a senior.” “That didn’t give you much time to prepare.” I added.  Sylvia said, “It was tough competing with kids from Phillips Exeter and other top schools. My mother kept telling me I was too far away and that I should come home, but I stayed. Back home meant watching my mother prepare twelve enchiladas, on a good day, for our family of six. My father ate first, my older brother already six foot three, would eat seven of them, leaving two more for the four of us. There were days my mother who always ate last, had none.” ‘Was your brother ever told to leave more for the rest of you?” ” No, he’s always been my mother’s favorite.” she replied. “I began accepting the fact that I wasn’t going to be getting A’s or B’s. I mostly got C’s–but, nobody ever asks me how I did here, saying I went to Yale is enough–although it took me years to regain my self-confidence after those four years. It also didn’t help that I fell in love with a woman.”

“Do you have any regrets on having studied here?” I asked. “I found a job publishing Spanish textbooks in Boston where I worked for thirty-five years. Back home I would have been expected to get married and have a family. That’s not what I wanted. No, I have no regrets. My education gave me the life I never would have had.”

 

MARTHA GELLHORN QUOTE #2

I tell you loneliness is the thing to master. Courage and fear, love, death are only parts of it and can easily be ruled afterwards. If I make myself master my own loneliness there will be peace or safety: and perhaps these are the same.”
Martha Gellhorn

Thank you subscribers and readers for taking the time to visit my blog!!

If this is the first time you are visiting the site, welcome to the tales of a woman solo traveler and thoughts to make today the start of something new.

Although I take a break during the weekends, I’ll be back on Monday and would be delighted, in the meantime, if you would look through my previous posts. Perhaps you missed a few or will reread one with a new perspective.There is a list of all the previous posts by title and date.

Since the configuration of the site may differ on your browser, perhaps you have not noticed the tabs which offer some additional information:Why this blog?, Images, How I Began, etc.

You can search certain posts by category: Practical Advice, Thoughts on Oneself, Snapshots, etc.

All of these may be at the very bottom of the posts.

While traveling I may not be posting each day. To be notified when I have written a new post please subscribe-of course its free.
I would be delighted if you would sign up.

I hope you find information and inspiration in the text and images and join me in my quest for growth, wonderment and self-improvement.

Here’s to new discoveries near and far!

Enjoy the days.